Just shy of three weeks into the season, the uber-wokers of the Left have mired the National Anthem once again in one of their lame controversies. They can’t seem to grasp that when it comes time for a sporting event, there’s no room for anything but our country’s authentic, Congressionally-sanctioned National Anthem.

Instead, they want to sing other songs that some people also refer to as the national anthem, which is a complete slap in the face to anyone who served in the armed forces.

NFL owners, however, after a unanimous vote, made it clear that their stadiums would play only one National Anthem: The Star Spangled Banner.

“There’s no room for that kind of division,” said League Superintendant Joe Barron, “what we need is to focus on America and never mind anything else.”

ALLOD Sportsball Analyst Tara Newhole said the rule doesn’t make a lot of sense, since a lot of stadiums also play “God Bless America” as a warmup song. There’s typically a special guest artist for big games.

“That ends now,” said Barron, “We need to stop giving in to these libtards and starting owning them more. USA! USA! USA!” Newhole says she’s fairly certain Joe was into the really good scotch before he called in.

At any rate, so ends the latest battle in the culture wars. Yet another point for team “I pray it’s true.” God Bless America.