When you have a family, you often have to deal with complicated situations. But sometimes it’s hard to figure out what to do. A woman has had a problem with her mother-in-law for years, but things got worse when her MIL did something about it. Since it has to do with her own kids, she’s feeling lost and has decided to ask for help on social media without giving her name.

This is what she wrote:

There’s a lot of history between me and this woman, but I just needed to talk about this problem to see if I’m overreacting or do something wrong.

Things like this have been going on for years. When my 14-year-old was a few months old, I met the man I now marry. My daughter knows who her dad is because she goes to see him several times a year even though he lives in a different state. She’s here most of the time.

My mother-in-law doesn’t think she knows her dad or goes to see him, which is the problem. She always says my 14-year-old is somewhere else when I tell her she’s with her dad. At first, she acts like she knows I’m lying, but then she tries to prove me wrong. She also thinks I make my daughter call my husband “dad,” even though she does it on her own.

They are my 14-year-old’s full brother and sisters, so we never call them half siblings. But MIL always feels the need to correct us.

“MIL told my husband yesterday that she had enough of me “lying” to my 14-year-old daughter about who her dad is. Since my husband wasn’t going to tell her I was wrong, MIL got her a DNA kit to find out.” She also had it sent to our house and asked us to give it to her.
My husband told his mom to shut up, and my daughter wasn’t taking the test to prove what she already knew. My mother-in-law told my husband that she was sick of the lies I told my daughter because it would hurt our relationship when she got older and found out the truth. We “didn’t care,” so she was trying to watch out for her granddaughter. After that, she hung up.

I’ve been up all night because I let her back into my mind, but I’m also sick of her always having to prove I’m “lying” to my daughter. That DNA kit is getting thrown away. I want to buy something else, put MIL’s name on it, and let her know her gift never got here.

When the woman asked for help, someone sent her a message that was both thoughtful and honest:
What they wrote:

“I’m sorry, but I don’t understand why you and your husband are letting her into your lives.

She’s not someone your 14-year-old or any of your other kids can feel safe around. She is messing with your daughter’s mind by telling her that her biological dad isn’t really her dad and that she shouldn’t call your partner dad. She also tells her that she should never forget that her siblings are only her half-siblings.

She is clearly angry that you and your husband have a child together, and she is using passive-aggressive tricks on your child.

Kids are trying to figure out who they are as a person during their teens before they become adults. This is a very important time in a child’s development, and your MIL is making you doubt her father’s identity. She is also shaking up her family by constantly telling you that your partner isn’t “dad” and that her siblings aren’t real siblings, only half ones.

Why do you let her hurt your child like this?

I really hope that your child is fine now, but your MIL is already acting like she’s going to get cruel and sneaky about this. She will hurt your child’s feelings over time, which will then hurt your family as a whole.

If your husband is the one who wants to keep your MIL in the picture, please show him this comment.

This is something she’s been doing behind your backs, but she’s doing more harm than either of you know yet.

She shouldn’t be around your family. Yes, even her real grandchildren, because she’s already teaching them things like “14-year-old isn’t your real sister,” which is bad for them.

It stinks that she acts this way, but when you tried to talk to her about it and stop her from hurting you, she scolded you and sent you a DNA kit as a “birthday present.”

You need to be away from each other for a while. For at least a few months. Tell your mother-in-law that she shouldn’t be passive-aggressive toward your daughter. You are like a family. There are only siblings, not “half siblings.” Your daughter has a dad in your family as well as a dad she was born with.

After a few months, when she has had time to think about why she was being so mean to your oldest child, you will talk to her again. You can start to rebuild a relationship with her if she stops being mean. If not, you can’t let someone hurt your kids’ feelings with her weird obsession any longer.

Both of you, please keep your kids away from this woman. She is bad for them.

Don’t think that I’m mad at you. It’s clear that your mother-in-law is sneaky and manipulative, and she has been very quiet about how she feels about you having a child with your husband.

She is making me mad because she is so bad. I’m being very direct and clear about this because I know how hard it is to see clearly when you are being manipulated and when family is involved.

Being on the outside makes it easy for me to see and say this, but I’ve been through toxic family relationships, and it’s not nearly as clear-cut when you’re there.

A lot of love and strength.”